Moonlight

To finish up my month of Pride movie watching, I decided to watch the movie Moonlight. It was a favorite at the Academy Awards the year it was released and has been given much praise by many critics for being a deeply moving and profound film. It tells the story of a young boy growing up in a harsh city where heavy expectations are laid upon him from an early age. To be a gay boy could be dangerous in the streets where boys have to act like men to survive and to be the hardest version of a man possible. I've been wanting to watch this movie since it came out, so I'm glad that I'm finally getting around to it. I tried to reach a broad spectrum of movies with my choices this month. From the world of drag to transgender issues, the struggle of coming out against the expectations of friends and family and now to the reality of being gay inside in a low end neighborhood / school. I know that this story revolves around a pair of black boys who meet each other and find strength being together, but I'm not sure how long they stay together and if the harshness of the streets pulls them apart. I believe I remember that they meet again as adults, but I'm not sure how long they were separated for. Time to find out!

nothing like the past calling to make you feel like a kid again, to bring back the self you tried to get rid of

it's amazing how you can love someone and hate them at the same time. One feeling doesn't negate the other, they just coexist together in your heart and soul

in the end they just give comfort

Moonlight is a pretty captivating story. You follow the life of Chiron, a young black boy living in the slums of the south. He's a quiet, observant boy who rarely speaks, but always seems to be taking in everything around him. This quiet, reserved nature gets him the reputation of being soft and he gains the nickname "Little". One day he is running from a group of boys chasing him and hides out in an abandoned apartment. He is discovered by a gentleman that is the local drug lord. Juan, played by Mahershala Ali (from Hidden Figures) takes Chiron back to his home and his girlfriend, Teresa (played by Janelle Monae) where they take care of him and give him a place to sleep. They become a surrogate family to Chiron, and it's where he goes whenever he needs help, comfort or love. The two help him in more ways than anyone else would. Chiron's mother is drug addicted and doesn't know how to really take care of another human being. Over and over again you see proof of how much more she needs him than he ever needed her. One day Little asks Juan a question which shows how the boys around him treat him. He asks what a faggot is. You can tell that he's heard it and he's confused by just how bad it could be. Juan gives the best response I could have ever hoped that someone would give to answer this question. He says, "Faggot is a word used to make gay people feel bad." Little goes on to ask how one would know if they are one and Juan and Teresa tell him that he would know, but he doesn't have to know right now. I feel like this is the best discussion adults could have with kids who are questioning things. You don't have to know who you are and what you like as a kid. You have your whole life to figure it out and you can change your mind when things change. When it comes to who you come to care for, you get to figure it out as you experience different things in this world. When you're a child, none of it matters. It's the teen years where you start to figure out who you want to be and things don't always have to stay the same way. This young boy is dealing with a struggle of self-identity. He's not sure who he is and how he fits in the general world. I'm glad that he had people to lead him into a more positive light, though they can't shelter him from the harsh world. They can only help him to find his own way and to give him strength and support as he struggles through it. As time passes, Little starts to realize a sad truth. One day, the day after Juan realizes Little's mom is one of his customers, Chiron asks Juan if he's a drug dealer. I don't know if Juan ever had reservations or regrets about his career choice, but you can tell in that moment he doesn't want to let that kid down, yet honesty is what he deserves. He admits to his career choice and then Little asks an ever harder question. Did Juan sell drugs to his mother. Looking utterly disappointed in himself and near tears, Juan nods and Chiron leaves. You never find out how that was resolved between the two and if Chiron made his peace with it. You don't even know what happens over the next few years because they jump directly to his teenage years. I found myself wondering if Juan decided to stop selling to Chiron's mother, just to tell his dealers to cut her off. Let her find it somewhere else. Or to limit her supply. Something to the effect of being able to look that kid in the eye again and show how one can be a better person by proving it in their actions. When the movie flashes forward, you see Chiron visiting Teresa, but there's no Juan. Some mention was made of a funeral, but they don't go into detail to explain if he was killed on the streets, got sick, had an accident or any other of a million things that could have happened to end one's life. They don't even mention how long Juan had been gone. I really don't like unanswered questions, especially in movies. You write the script for the story, you should make sure the pertinent information gets included.

As a teenager, Chiron is still quiet and observant, but he's not as timid as he used to be. He isn't bold, but he doesn't wilt under pressure as much as he once did. He is still tormented by people who feel the need to pick on the boy who appears soft, but he keeps one friend who is cool with him. That one friend seems to help him to understand some simple things about himself and also seems to accept Chiron and his differences. They spend some time together on a beach where Chiron experiences his first kiss with a guy, along with some more intimate moments, and things seem to settle with him. It's like he's figured something out about himself and it brings him a bit of peace. He goes home to find his mother asleep on the couch. He gets a blanket to cover her with and she wakes up, drowsy with drug usage. She caresses his cheek and the way he leans into it breaks your heart. Here is a teenage boy who has grown to understand that his mother is never going to be what he needs or wants, but the second she shows the slightest comfort and care, he's instantly that little boy again, just wanting a hug from his mother. Then she utters the words, "You don't love me no more," and the spell is broken. For one second he had the comfort and love he needed, but then it was gone. I know hope is a fragile thing and having your hope shattered is a heartbreaking thing to witness, let alone live through. There are many times that you see Chiron looking hollowed out, like the world ate away who he could have been. When he goes to school the next day, his one spark of happiness is stripped away. There's one guy that seems to act like the top dog of the school and he convinces Kevin, the guy that Chiron spent time with the previous night, to beat down another guy in the school. Of course he chooses Chiron and you're left seeing the one beat the other. Chiron keeps getting back up after each hit, like it's his own personal battle, and maybe it is. The first two parts of this movie I found myself incensed with the injustice of the situations Chiron is forced to deal with. To have the one peer in his life that has shown him not only kindness, but also care and attention, be the one who also brings him pain and suffering is truly cruel. But Chiron knew that Kevin was not the instigator of that beating. He decides that this bully needs to be knocked down a few pegs. He walks into school the next day taller and more determined than ever. He's on a mission of revenge. He walks boldly into the class he shares with this kid, drops his stuff at his desk and, smooth as you please, he picks up his empty chair and just slams it into the back of this kid. AHHH!!! YESS!!! This was such a great moment! I was totally in it with Chiron, glad he took that swing to stand up for himself and anyone else who had been torn down by that guy. He gets taken away by the police, but I still feel like it was worth it. You find out later that he moved after that incident, probably because he would have gotten expelled for such an act, so he doesn't get the chance to discuss the events of those two days with Kevin. It's left unresolved.

The movie then moves onto part three, Chiron's adulthood. He's going by the nickname "Black" which is a nickname Kevin had given him. You never find out Kevin's reason for giving him the nickname, despite Chiron straight up asking him a couple of times. Again with the unresolved, unanswered questions! GAH!! Chiron has moved to Atlanta from Miami and has made a new name for himself. He's the top dog in this age, running a drug ring. He's trying to live a hard life, but it seems like his past keeps trying to drag him back. He's worked out enough to build up a strong physique, so he no longer looks like the scrawny kid that he used to be. His mother calls him frequently asking him to come and visit her, but I can understand why he doesn't. It's not like she ever put him first, so he has no reason to show loyalty later in life once he's able to wash his hands clean of her. Chiron gets a call late one night and he answers thinking it's his mother calling again, but he couldn't be more wrong. The caller is his childhood friend, Kevin, reaching out after years of regretting that one moment where he didn't stand up for his friend. He had heard a song that made him think of Chiron and decided that was the kick he needed to reach out to the man Chiron had grown to be. Nothing like the past calling to make you feel like a kid again, to bring back the self you tried to get rid of. He even invited Chiron for a meal if he was ever in town since he was a grill cook in a restaurant. Deciding to take him up on his offer, Chiron goes to visit his mother along the way. She's gotten clean and lives in a group home. She apologizes for not being there for him the way she should have been, insisting on telling him that she loves him. For Chiron, on the other hand, after all she's done, he hates her. It's amazing how you can love someone and hate them at the same time. One feeling doesn't negate the other, they just coexist together in your heart and soul. But I feel like they make their own sort of peace with each other, despite everything. It's cathartic to let go of old pain and find ways to make your own version of peace with it. You can't remove the pain or the lingering effects it has on your life, but you can stop allowing it to affect your future and the way you live your life. I feel like Chiron needed that visit to his mother. He found a way to care about her again, while dispelling the power she had over him to make him feel unwanted by others.

In his visit to Kevin, you can see some of the timid introvert show back up again. He gets quiet and uses more non-vocal communication than actual words and Kevin catches it. You can tell that Chiron is trying to keep up the façade he's built over the past few years, but when you're in old places, surrounded by people with preconceived notions of who you are and how you "usually" act, it's hard to get past that. The two of them act like the worst moment never happened and just reminisce about old times while catching up with what they've been up to since then. I was a little miffed at Kevin when he insisted on giving Chiron wine after he said he didn't drink. I was even more upset that he served said wine in plastic cups you'd find at Golden Corral. Seriously?! Plastic cups?! Ugh! Just, NO! You can buy cheap wine glasses at the Dollar Tree and stock the place for nothing. I guess I've become a bit of a snob about that, but I am the same way about Chinese food and chopsticks. I just don't understand how people use a fork with Chinese food. It's not right. But, I digress... Back to the wine. If someone doesn't drink, there could be a multitude of reasons for that. Respect their decision. He could have brought him water, but instead he served him wine all night. Not cool. Again, personal pet peeve. Can't help myself. Once the restaurant closes up for the night, the two head to Kevin's apartment and talk a bit more about life. Kevin is really happy with where he's at, even though it's nothing grand like some people feel they need to strive for. There is really something to be learned from people who are happy with the small things in life. The simple pleasures, the things that seem insignificant and trivial. More people think "the grass is greener on the other side" than are happy with their current life situation, so it's refreshing to see someone who can notice the simple blessings in their life as actual blessings. As something to be happy for and proud of. I don't think Chiron can say the same in this moment. His life is being lived, but he doesn't have the simple things in life to make it all worthwhile. Mainly someone to share it with. Maybe not even a romantic partner, but at least a friend. He isn't shown to have anyone close to him as an adult and that's truly subtle in the movie. But when he's standing in Kevin's kitchen, he allows himself to be vulnerable, despite the hurt he's been through from this one person, and takes a chance to tell him something deep and personal. He stopped trusting people with his emotions after Kevin's betrayal. He had isolated himself and I'm guessing he was done with being alone. In the end, you see Kevin just holding Chiron and the peace on his face at just that simple pleasure, that simple touch and comfort, was the thing he needed most in that moment. We have no idea what happened after that moment, but it leaves you wanting to know more. And that's when you realize just how truly invested you are in the story and these characters. You want to know more about their life, you have questions you want answered, but you know you won't get them. This movie is a great character study. It really delves into how people react in situations, how they respond to human interactions, and how differently we all approach those moments in our lives that seem to define us. You feel like you learn something about others with this movie, but you also learn a lot about yourself. You react to the situations Chiron is caught in over the years, you find out how you feel about someone else being treated that way, and you are forced to think about how you would react if you were treated that way.

I can totally understand why this movie was so loved at the Academy Awards that year. If you haven't watched it before, put your library card to use. Check out Kanopy.com and use your library card to log in and get free access to movies on your computer. There will be a new theme next month, but I can't decide if I should do a month of musicals next or a month of classic films. Tell me what you think in the comments!

For more movie love, check out my other blog, "You're Watching That Again?!"